By: Jeff Perrotte

12-28-00

I am writing to you from a California State Prison. I am an inmate serving a sentence of 15 years to life as a result of an alcohol related automobile accident that occurred in the City of Rancho Mirage on May 5, 1992, involving the life-long friend of Frank Sinatra, Mr. Jilly Rizzo. This accident was a tragedy that destroyed many lives and, without a doubt, was the cumulative result of many years of making bad choices. Choices that some of the readers of this article may be making today. The intention of this message is not to bring any sort of recognition to myself, but to shed some light on how your life can change if you allow yourself to be deceived by the euphoria of alcohol and/or drugs.

You may not be an alcoholic or a drug addict, but someone who chooses to drink socially in a very acceptable sort of manner. However, if after you drink, in this very acceptable manner, you get behind the wheel of your vehicle for the short drive home, you are taking a chance not only with your life, but with everyone’s life around you. Without even knowing it, you are gambling with the futures of a countless number of innocent people, including the ones that you love the most. Granted, this is an unconscious gamble on your part, but the severe ramifications are the same whether you knew what you were doing, or not. By law, this is what is called a careless indifference to human life. Truly, there can be no better explanation. This careless indifference is occurring all the time. In fact, as I write this letter inside Chuckawalla Valley State Prison, surrounded by gun towers, a lethal electrical fence and miles of concertina wire, there are probably dozens of vehicles being driven in the Desert Area by drivers who have a measurable amount of alcohol in their systems. Most of which are not even aware of the disaster they are flirting with. Prior to May 5, 1992, I was also carelessly indifferent to the ramifications of this type of behavior, even after numerous experiences that should have provided the motivation necessary to make some serious changes. Unfortunately, I knew that something like this would never happen to me.

There was a time when the laws would partially protect the individual who found themselves in a bad situation as the result of making a terrible choice while under the influence of alcohol or drugs. This was called a Diminished Capacity Defense. This was available in regards to automobile accidents, but also an array of criminal charges that resulted while under the influence. However, this is no longer the case, and rightfully so. Now the law is designed to protect the innocent victims from actions taken by those who, even for a second, forget about personal responsibility and the acceptable norms of our society.

People who harbor the false security that bad things only happen to other people, are in for a rude awakening should they find themselves standing before a Court of Law facing criminal charges as the result of behavior that was erroneously conceived as being harmless at the time. We must all be prepared to answer for any choice we decide to make, whether good or bad, conscious or unconscious, justified or unjustified. The concessions that were prevalent in the past have been removed through the legislative efforts of many victim’s rights groups, i.e.: Mother’s Against Drunk Drivers (MADD), etc..

For the last eight years I have endured the madness of confinement within a California Prison, three years outside San Diego, one year in Tehachapi, one year in Solano/Vacaville and three years in Blythe. During this time, I have come in contact with thousands of other inmates and have listened to their stories. These inmates ranged in age from 16 years old to over 70 years old. Through all these stories there is one common thread, alcohol or drugs. Every single person that I have ever spoken to within the walls of a State Prison indicated that either alcohol, drugs, or both, played a significant role in their charged offense. This is a powerful statistic in itself. It is clearly impossible to avoid this message under any circumstances. If you feel confident that you will be able to make the right choice every single time that you decide to indulge in the euphoric rewards of alcohol or drugs, I may one day be speaking to you. However, before this occurs, I truly hope you will take an inventory on what you have now, and compare it to what you will have within these walls. You would also want to take into consideration that the true tragedy of suffering a personal disaster is not to you, but to those you harm, and those you love. These are the individuals who will suffer the most as a result of your choices. After this is clearly thought through, then, and only then, can you add to the list the items you will be sacrificing personally. That list would include literally hundreds, if not thousands, of things. If you like privacy, it will be forever gone within these walls. If you enjoy seeing the stars at night, hearing the waves crash on the shore, watching your children grow, a warm embrace, sharing a moment with a friend, building a life, personal security, birthday parties, anniversaries, family get-togethers, and on and on and on. Every single day in this nightmare will remind you of another thing you have lost, never to be recovered again. Once you have a partial picture of what you would lose, it may be a good idea to consider all of the things that you will gain. You will be required to learn a whole new set of rules and politics. There will be motivation to do this inasmuch that your life may depend on it. You will learn how to live under the constant stress that you may have to participate in a variety of things that could have life-long affects to your well-being. You will share an institution with roughly 3500 other convicted felons with crimes ranging from petty theft to the most violent murders. This list also goes on and on.

The biggest fallacy would be to think that because you currently have everything going well in your life, that you could never end up here. If you can think back over the last year and remember just one instance when you have driven with alcohol in your system, then you have already taken that gamble I mentioned. You have already decided that you alone have the right to mortgage the future of many people which is absolutely unconscionable on your part. You alone have decided that it is fine if other people suffer as a result of your actions. If you can think back to a time when you unconsciously made this sort of choice, then you have already been granted a second chance which you should grab ahold of with all your might and make the appropriate changes. I can’t tell you what I would be willing to give for another shot at life, another chance at being where you are today. But I know this, it is a whole lot more than any of you would be willing to pay.

The purpose of this article is not to tell everyone not to drink, or even not to use drugs. I would clearly recommend this to anyone. What I hope you will take from this message is really quite simple. If you know that you are going to be at a place where there is a good possibility that you may have a drink or do some other activity that impairs your ability to make a good decision, it is imperative that you arrange for whatever transportation requirements you may need.

On the night of my accident, I was having a great time. I wasn’t worrying that my four young children, who were home in bed asleep, would suffer for years to come because of my irresponsibility. I did not think about all of the opportunities I would remove from their life. I was not thinking that within that 7 mile drive home, a man would die in a fiery car crash. I was not thinking about how his family would suffer. I was not taking a moment to consider what pressure I would place on my wife in trying to raise a family alone. I wasn’t thinking of any of the things that should have been in the forefront of my mind. And tragically, I wasn’t thinking that a twenty dollar taxi ride would have avoided all of this suffering.

There are no social, economic or ethnic barriers to this serious problem. It is reflected in the news all the time. Our new President has a prior DUI. There is, however, many things that we can do to avoid this serious pitfall. There are many programs available in the community that can assist anyone who feels they may have a drinking or drug problem. These programs are available for adults and teenagers, and most importantly, they are free. Alcoholics Annonymous and Narcotics Anonymous are just two of many. By contacting, or attending one of these programs, you may be making the most important decision of your life. There are not many times in our lives when the choice we make can be the difference between life, death, or if you are lucky, incarceration. The decision, of course, is yours alone to make. I know it is not an easy decision.

However, there are many harder ones that will be made for you if you are unfortunate enough to suffer a disaster of the magnitude possible.

It was my hopes to be able to share some of the tragic experiences one faces when confined in prison. I wanted to provide a journey through the “other side” that would be shocking. For now, it is just as important for you to understand that the true suffering is never experienced by the doer of the deed, but by those who it happened to, and to those that depended on the individual who exploited their existence. To make any choice without looking at the whole picture is unwise. It allows chance, fate and bad luck to play a major role in the outcome of your choice. You are setting yourself up to fail.

A week ago I watched my children leave the prison visiting room on Christmas to go home and open presents. When they walked out the door, it killed me to know that the number of presents they would open was small. It hurt so much to realize once again that because of a choice that I freely made, they continue to suffer. I hope those reading this article never have to endure that type of pain. I hope those reading this article will understand that it is of the highest importance that they do not make the same mistakes that I made. There is always an open bed within these walls, and these beds are blind to the type of person that resides on them. The staff here at the prison does not care who you are, what you had, or where you came from. You will be just another number within the biggest industrial machine in the state. Specifically, the California Department of Corrections.

The best thing about all of this you have read is that you are clearly in control of your own destiny. I hope I do not get to meet you under these circumstances. I now have to close in order to call my daughter Ashley and wish her a Happy Birthday.

Jeff Perrotte
12-28-00

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